“Body positivity”, “Health at Every Size”, “intuitive eating” - you’ve probably heard of at least one of these terms. Body positivity is a wide-sweeping social movement that advocates for acceptance of all the physical traits that make us unique: skin colour, body type, hair type, etc. Health at Every Size is an initiative that was started with the goal of ending weight discrimination and our culture’s obsession with thinness. Intuitive eating has been labelled the “anti-diet” because the program encourages people to eat what they want, when they want it, rather than following a strict meal plan. All of these philosophies emerged in response to the unrealistic beauty expectations we place on ourselves and the worship of the almighty calorie. They challenge us to broaden our concept of beauty and have a healthy attitude towards food.

I personally identify myself as a body positivity advocate. I’ve even published a blog post about self-esteem and body image: https://www.thesplendorousceliac.com/blog/assert-the-self-in-self-esteem-building-a-health-body-image

The movement towards body acceptance in our society has meant a lot to me because of my life experiences. When I was a little girl I was overweight and got bullied a lot. Then as a teenager, I lost a lot of weight to try to fit the thin ideal. I got praise from others for my weight loss, but then I became my biggest bully. I used to weigh myself obsessively. Daily. Even multiple times per day. To make sure I was at the “right” weight. I categorized foods as “good” or “bad” and felt guilty when I ate “bad” foods. I had an unhealthy relationship with food and my body image.

As I entered adulthood, I came to realize my ways of thinking were unhealthy. I resolved to work on my self-esteem and be kinder to myself. Around the time I started working on myself, I got my celiac disease diagnosis. For me, that diagnosis gave me the motivation I needed to let go of my fixation on being thin so I could focus on nourishing my body. I wanted my body heal; I wanted to feel better, instead of feeling sick all the time.

That healing process involved abandoning the scale. I didn’t weigh myself or even keep a bathroom scale in my apartment. Whenever I was hungry, I ate; instead of telling myself I could only eat a certain amount of food each day. And I often ate the foods I was craving (gluten free, of course). Healing from both the damage to my intestines and the damage of disordered eating took a long time. Years! I gained weight in the process, but the way I felt physically and emotionally got better and then even better with time.

Advocacy of the body positivity movement, and other related ideologies, definitely supported me in my journey. There have started to be consequences for people who tear down others for their appearance. Many different types of beauty are being shown in the media now than there were when I was growing up. I’m finally seeing women I can relate to on TV, social media platforms, etc. It feels good to see different body types accepted, instead of feeling pressure to look one specific way. Now I know that I don’t need to feel guilt or shame about my appearance.

My major focus in life is health and wellness. Part of this pursuit is learning to be in tune with your body and noticing changes in how you feel. I think it was this awareness that led me to realize in the new year that my wellness was declining. My gut was feeling unhappy. I was feeling sleepy throughout the day and sluggish during my workouts. And my clothes were feeling tighter. When I eventually stepped on a scale at the end of February, I realized that my weight was higher than it’s ever been.

At that point, I felt conflicted. Should I forget about the number on the scale? Or should I lose weight? As a supporter of body positivity, is it hypocritical to want to lose weight?

After giving it serious thought, I decided that losing some weight was the best choice for me. While it’s important that we don’t place too much value on our weight, it’s also important to be healthy. If my weight had increased and my health stayed the same, I probably wouldn’t have felt the need to lose weight. But from my perspective, my body was telling me that things weren’t quite right. I knew my level of wellness wasn’t what I wanted it to be.

At the beginning of March I started paying closer attention to my hunger and fullness cues. (You can read about how to use the Hunger Scale here: https://www.thesplendorousceliac.com/blog/are-you-boredom-eating-read-my-tips-on-eating-healthy-when-youre-stuck-at-home). I came to realize that I was eating beyond the point of being satisfied; I was feeling stuffed after my meals. Also, sometimes I was eating even when I wasn’t feeling hungry. This insight was very helpful for me because I realized I was eating more than my body needed. I decreased my portions at meal times and only had snacks when I actually felt hunger.

Over the course of 2 months, I lost 15 pounds. More importantly, my gut feels so much better! I’ve noticed that I’m not feeling anywhere near as bloated as I was before. And I’m crushing my workouts. I’m really glad that I lost the weight and I don’t believe that my cred as a body positivity advocate has been tarnished. I didn’t lose weight as a punishment for my dietary mistakes. An improvement in my health and well-being was my reward for giving my body the amount of nourishment it actually needs. I didn’t put myself on a strict diet, but rather made sustainable changes to my style of eating.

When all is said and done, the scale doesn’t hold the power over me that it once did. My weight is just one of the many factors I take into consideration as I continue on the lifelong journey towards wellness.

What about you? Do you think a person can support body positivity and also want to lose weight?